To prefix this, I’d like to say that I don’t consider these nudes. I mean sure, they are pictures of my nude body, but I don’t consider them sexual. I just want to get other people’s opinions on this.

Pics here

So, there’s something truly strange about the shape of my body. Like, I have ridiculously broad shoulders, very bad posture and also (IMO) a really masculine face, but I also have…hips? I guess??

It’s like, during the development of my upper body, nature was like:
Boy? Boy. Yess, boy. Big shoulders. Angular face.
And then for my lower body, it was like:
Wait a minute…she might come to accept herself as a girl someday…screw it. Girl it is.
That’s like literally what happened 😭

My body isn’t feminine. Well, my breasts might be 😂. But the general shape I’d say is kinda androgynous. Like I have a decently slim waist, combined with my semi-hips makes a really interesting illusion. The illusion of a feminine silhouette. Sadly it’s just a good angle and arching my back really hard, lol.

In any case, my boyfriend has a pretty good view, I’d say 🤣

I guess I’m not upset. Sure, it could’ve been a lot better and more feminine, but also…I feel like it could’ve been a lot worse. Like, I could’ve been a literal brick.
Am I crazy? Does this come across as arrogant? I’m really sorry, I’ve just been wondering about this since pre-HRT times. Now I have a platform where I actually feel safe talking about stuff like this…

So umm. Feel free to comment, criticize, roast or anything else. And…thank you, I guess? I really don’t know what I’m expecting out of this. I guess I’ll see.

  • Hildegard (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    23 days ago

    The pictures you posed are entirely cis passing. One of the “ideal” feminine body shapes is the hourglass figure. Wide shoulders, wide hips, narrow waist. You have that exactly. I am envious of your figure. You look great.

    Be aware that you will always be the worst judge of yourself. No one can see themselves objectively. Everyone has something they dislike about their appearance. It doesn’t matter who they are or how they look, no one can ever be truly satisfied with themselves. Everyone is insecure. You are no exception.

    I thought my arms were too thick and muscular, but then I compared with cis women and all of their arms are basically the same. Objectively my arms shouldn’t make me feel insecure, they’re normal and fine. Still makes me feel bad nonetheless. Insecurity is not reality.

    You look great. Your figure is the feminine ideal. Learn to be kinder to yourself.

    • AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      23 days ago

      I’m sorry. Thanks for being so kind, but I just don’t see it…

      My hips aren’t what I thought they were. I was corrected as to what my hips actually are. They aren’t that wide.

      Also, this is self-deprecating, but something about the overall shape just screams MAN at me. It’s the subtle details, the really small ones. And to top it off, my skin sucks because I don’t take care of it.

      I’m sorry. I just really don’t see it the same way

    • AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      22 days ago

      Wait, so my ass passes? How tf does my body pass more than my face? 😭
      That’s like something out of a movie or manga.

      I have to say, when I wear my jorts and red top, which reveal much more of my figure than anything else I wear, I feel vulnerable, sure, but also really good. Like, I’ll look at my shadow on the wall and be confused.
      That me? OwO
      That’s a girl

      Thanks for the compliments. Sorry for still complaining despite having a feminine-ish figure. I’m just extremely insecure 😓

    • AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      22 days ago

      Lol 😂

      I’m sure someone would pay for these. However, I’d hate to do that to my bf. Honestly, just posting these pics makes me feel iffy…

      Probably a mistake. I just wanted some constructive feedback on my shape tho, and that’s exactly what I got

      Edit: obligatory “Hello fellow Czech person” 👋

      • ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org
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        22 days ago

        Obligatory “oh yes, Míša, one of the few classic androgynous names”

        Don’t be so harsh on yourself! And it’s great that you respect boundaries you’ve set (explicitly or implicitly) with your boyfriend.

        • AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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          22 days ago

          Obligatory “oh yes, Míša, one of the few classic androgynous names”

          Yeah, the short-form of my name, Míša, works for both genders. But you know that, you speak the language 😆

          Call me stupid, but I still consider it a feminine name. And if someone calls me that and then uses the wrong pronouns…it gives me the ick beyond belief. My grandma does that unfortunately 😔

          It’s my fault really, for choosing a 4 syllable name 😭. But I’m actually really happy with it 😄

          • ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org
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            22 days ago

            I still consider it a feminine name

            That’s not stupid. Every “Péťa” I know is a woman so that’s a feminine name in my mind. Just pointing out that these two are very popular among trans people here for a reason, and it’s alright if you chose it for a different reason.

            I also have some transphobic relatives, they denied gender consulting to my AFAB-but-super-masculine cousin: it’s not too late for them though, and I’ll make sure to support them whether they turn out to be a tomboy or trans man. However, your look, front and back, is making anyone misgendering you look not just like an asshole but just plain stupid.

            • AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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              21 days ago

              it’s not too late for them though, and I’ll make sure to support them whether they turn out to be a tomboy or trans man

              You seem like a good person. I trust you to support them as best you can.

              However, your look, front and back, is making anyone misgendering you look not just like an asshole but just plain stupid

              You haven’t really gotten a good look at me or my body language for that matter. For that reason, I’d like to say it’s not completely black and white like that. Anyway, thank you for your kind words 🩷

              I know about my shoulders. I can’t do anything to fix them other than draw attention away from them by dressing well. They’re solid bone. HRT will get rid of lots of muscle mass, but my shoulders are pure bone…
              I’ve actually considered getting a clavicle reduction surgery in Vienna, but it’s expensive, risky and my German is spotty at best 😭
              If I had the money tho…I’d get all of the surgeries

    • AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      23 days ago

      It’s the angle, I swear 😭

      NSFW

      And also me arching my back like a slut, but that’s totally on me. Trust me, I’ve had plenty of training.

      It’s all an illusion. I don’t look like this, I temporarily altered my appearance for a photo. Nothing more

  • That_Bitch_Is_Cily@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    23 days ago

    Hey girl, just wanted to chime in with a thought that you can feel free to take or leave. Have you considered that your inability to see your features as feminine is caused by internalized transphobia? I only say this because it was a major major hurdle for me early in my transition and I still find it pops up every now and then. I don’t mean that you’re being transphobic in the least. But you mentioned in your other post about you mom making comments about people getting surgeries looking weird. That type of comment is transphobic and I’m sorry that you’ve been subjected to that. I suspect that comments such as that, and the general way that trans fems are mocked or made caricatures of, are heavily influencing your perception of yourself. This in turn making your goals seem unattainable. I struggled for years with that and delayed transitioning because I never thought that I could live up to this idealized image of myself. And honestly, I won’t. But us trans women take the already incredibly high and arbitrary standards of beauty that cis women are expected to abide by, and super charge it. So it’s okay that I am not going to hit my ideal goal, because it is completely unrealistic even for cis women. I’m not going to change the size of my shoulders, but I can adorn them with beautiful flowery tattoos that help draw the eye away from the shape. I have been pleased with the progress I’ve made and I’m excited to see where I’ll end up with time and persistence.

    Now just a couple tips I have which are just based on the photos you’ve shared, hopefully some other folks could chime in as well. I think you have absolutely gorgeous hair so I would suggest, if you’re able to get your hair styled, to add some layers and some face framing. I get majorly dysphoric about my face when I tuck my hair behind my ears as it feel like it puts my jawline and chin forward and they are a focal point. Having some face framing helps soften and round out your face.

    I also love your style, it is very very similar to mine. I adored the outfit you got from vinted the other day with the gray top. Honestly no notes.

    Lastly, I think attitude, confidence, and posture signal femininity way more than the specific dimensions of your shoulders or hips. No one is out here with a set of calipers taking your body measurements and judging your gender based on that. Human bodies come in a wide variety of shapes. But if you’re walking around in a dress with a cute pair of flats, a purse, a few accessories, and a bad bitch attitude, it reads feminine more than your shoulders would read masculine. Or cut the neckline out of an old sweater, drop it over one shoulder with a bra strap showing, I’d bet you’d start to like the shape of your shoulders then. At least, it works for me.

    Lastly lastly, I started girlmoding far away from where I lived. My wife and I would take a weekend trip where I would only pack my girl clothes, and so I had to live in them. After being out in public wearing a cute outfit around people I’d never see again, I gained the confidence to bring that to where I live. And its funny because looking back, the outfits that I wore and thought were so taboo are so tame compared to what I wear now. And now I purposefully wear outfits that are so in-your-face at family gatherings, just to smear it in the faces of a couple family members that refuse to acknowledge my transness. I’m a spiteful bitch.

    I hope this helps, or at least some of it. Or maybe none of it I dunno. But regardless, I hope you acknowledge how incredible you are for even taking this journey. It is not an easy road to travel at all. There is pain, embarrassment, vulnerability, and danger at every turn. But it is still worth it. You gave yourself a chance to find your happiness and comfortability in your own skin and that is an amazing gift, because you deserve to be happy.

    • AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      22 days ago

      Cily…thank you. I got your messages yesterday during the worst of it and they made me feel a lot better 🫂.

      Have you considered that your inability to see your features as feminine is caused by internalized transphobia?

      Yes. I know that’s at least part of the reason. I have a ton of internalized transphobia…
      I try not to let it out too much and I definitely don’t direct it at other trans women…but instead I direct all of it at myself.

      About my hair…on my birthday, in April, I actually did get a feminine haircut. I got curtain bangs. They look really nice, however I still tuck my hair behind my ears. And unfortunately, I have a legitimate reason for that…

      I have really bad temporal recession. Not pattern baldness, but I think it’s just the way my hairline naturally is (Screw you T! And…dad?? I guess?).

      Keeping it behind my ears keeps my forehead from showing through my hair…which makes me dangerously dysphoric. Going outside, having the wind blow my hair away…it feels good. To have it that long…
      But at the same time…my forehead sticking out of my hair…
      That honestly just makes me want to cut it all off and cry myself to sleep (which wouldn’t help me at all).

      Having it longer only highlights this problem for me. And it’s a problem I really should solve. I’ve only ever learned how to tie it up in a low ponytail. This uncovers more of my face and ruins even the tiniest chances of passing.

      I need to learn how to put my hair up in a more feminine fashion. I’m totally falling behind…

      Lastly, I think attitude, confidence, and posture signal femininity

      Yess. That’s also a problem I really need to solve. Confidence is NOT something I have, at all unfortunately. I know the importance of attitude and body language. It’s just really hard to unlearn some things after 19 years…

      Lastly lastly, I started girlmoding far away from where I lived

      This is really good advice and something I’ve thought about a lot. When me and my bf visit Prague, where people are more liberal anyway, I pack only girl clothes and wear those. It’s a really neat little trick, to girlmode in front of people you’ll never see again.

      Thank you. This does honestly help. You’re so nice Cily 😭
      Thank you for caring 🩷

      • That_Bitch_Is_Cily@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        22 days ago

        I also have curtain bangs, and I too have recession on my temples. I would love to cut my bangs shorter but i struggle with them not covering the thinner spots of my hairline. I almost never put my hair up for that reason either, even when I’m working and it’s over 100°F outside.

        I completely understand how insurmountable it feels to unlearn a lifetime of behaviors. I’m about twice your age but we’re at similar points of our transition I believe. I’m about 8 months on hrt and have been out and presenting full time as a woman for about a year and a half. I wish that I had the presence of mind to have started when I was 19 and the grief of having missed out on my 20s as a fully actualized woman is hard to grapple with. Impossible at times. But as I’ve said before, I am extremely proud of where I currently am now, and what is still left to attain.

        I don’t say that to dismiss your feelings of falling behind or having to relearn a new set of behaviors. Instead to just exemplify that, although your situation and life is unique, we all are out here contending with very similar feelings and experiences in one way or another. And any time someone can exemplify that there is a pathway forward, that is a win for all of us.

        Edit: I’m glad you got my message and that it helped. 🫂

        • AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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          22 days ago

          I almost never put my hair up for that reason either, even when I’m working and it’s over 100°F outside

          I feel this so much and I hate we have to go through this 🫂

          I am extremely proud of where I currently am now, and what is still left to attain

          I think that’s the best possible mindset, given our circumstances. I’m glad ❤️.

          Thank you for sharing with me. I believe we can all reach our goals, someday.

  • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    22 days ago

    Had a friend that transitioned after me, and she always kinda had femmy/andro proportions. She ended up finding out she was intersex at like age 29. It has been a few years since then, so I forget what she was getting tested but accidentally resulted with a doctor finding surprise ovaries.

    Just goes to show you that you really should just be who you feel you are and stop doubting yourself and listening to the idiots around us screaming about how we can’t possibly exist “but please let me hit”.

    • AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      21 days ago

      That’s really interesting…
      I really doubt it’s my case, because unfortunately, T puberty had a “normal” effect on my body in a way I can never fix 😔

      Nevertheless, thanks for the info. I think I’m just a weirdly-shaped person is all.

      stop doubting yourself and listening to the idiots around us screaming about how we can’t possibly exist “but please let me hit”.

      I HATE people like that with a passion. Arrogant and thinking they’re entitled to our bodies while also trying to erase our existence…

  • FRYD@sh.itjust.works
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    23 days ago

    Your hips are the bumps above your butt. Your shoulders seem a bit wider than your hips which is totally normal. You do have a very thin waist and a seemingly long torso that definitely makes it seem that way though. Also your shoulders aren’t that broad. You’re actually built a lot like I am, but your butt is definitely a bit bigger.

    • AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      23 days ago

      Yeah, my shoulders are definitely wider than my hips. I went through T puberty, unfortunately 😔

      Definitely have a long torso too. That adds to the illusion.

      You’re actually built a lot like I am

      That’s interesting. Well, I hope you’re built better than me. My body is freaking weird, honestly 😭

      Thanks for the butt compliment tho 😆

  • Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world
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    22 days ago

    I. Have kind of the same thing going on. But my shoulders aren’t that broad. I’m barrel chested so if you see me from the back or front you get the illusion of a relatively feminine silhouette. An illusion which is quickly shattered if you see me from the side.

    • AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      22 days ago

      Oh. I’m sorry to hear about the barrel chest.

      Hey, an illusion is better than nothing! I think it’s way better than having a super masculine figure. If that makes sense?

      What I have going on is also an illusion, anyway. Move your head slightly and it’s broken. And besides, I bet you’re really pretty! 🩷